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Episode 2573: Staff Cuts

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Here we are: the final movie!

We’ve never been in this situation before. We were still in the middle of Episode IV: A New Generation when Disney announced the development of the sequel trilogy in October, 2012. And suddenly we went from 2.5 movies to go to 5.5 movies to go - almost as many as we started with! And then along the way we added Rogue One (announced 2014) and Solo (announced 2013), and for good measure that Star Wars Muppet Show episode.

You might be wondering what our plans are after this movie is done. We're going to have a rest! There's a lot more Star Wars stuff out there now, but we don't have any plans for it at this stage. Let us dream about finishing this thing...

Commentary by memnarch (who has not seen the movie)

So Palpatine again, huh? People's opinions of the movie quality aside, the one other thing I picked up over the past years after my writing started was that someone or something surprising returned in an unpleasant manner. I've had a handful of thoughts about who that could be, and Palpatine getting a mention here does seem to be the most likely of them now. First runner-up Anakin was literally banished from the comic a few weeks ago, so he's not going to be around. Probably. And anyone else that was a possibility was either seen in the comic before this episode (like Yoda) or weren't really interesting before they died in the movies (like Nute).

The interesting twist here, assuming I've put things together right, is that Palpatine already did the "return from death" thing in one of the old Star Wars comic series. He'd got himself a bunch of clones stored on a secret planet, came back after doing some Force power thing to move himself into one of them, and eventually body-hopped from one clone to another (though that bit might have been a different/later series). He also had a bunch of huge planet-eating ships that ate Mon Calamari as a set-piece, because what's a Star Wars story without a superweapon of some kind showing off, right? They had to one-up the Death Star Mk II somehow!

There's also something to be said about Star Wars that I see a planet that's a dusty colored black with bright lava red patches like this and think "Oh hey, that's probably Mustafar", and that's exactly it? Either that the movie writers wanted to bring this planet back for some reason, or the Irregulars had the exact same thought I did and changed the name. Hm. I'll actually bet it's the second one because that's a burning forest Kylo's fighting in here. I doubt that there's enough solid space for trees to properly grow on the "Nabooian" scenery we've seen that I know was Mustafar in the movies.

One last thing; it's curious that we're only seeing one Team Bad Guy member here in the opening. I think. It's hard to tell if there's anyone here besides Kylo and the random cyborg robot people Kylo is killing.

Transcript

GM: Everyone ready? Let’s go!
Opening Crawl: Episode IX - THEORIES OF PHANASTACORIA. The dead speak! The galaxy has heard a mysterious broadcast, a promise of REDEMPTION in the kindly voice of the late EMPEROR PALPATINE. GENERAL LEIA ORGANA dispatches secret agents to gather intelligence, while REY, the last hope of the Jedi, trains for battle against the diabolical FIRST ORDER. Meanwhile, Supreme Leader KYLO REN rages in search of the phantom Emperor, determined to destroy any threat to his power....
GM: Kylo’s pursuit of Palpatine has led him to the planet Mustafar, home to a giant First Order mail processing facility.
Kylo Ren: Hand it over!!
Worker 1: Honestly, we’re very tempted to keep it for ourselves.
Kylo Ren: I’m your boss!!
[SFX]: Whooom! Slice! {Kylo kills Worker 1}
[SFX]: Whooom! Impale {and kills another Worker}
Worker 2: You may want to look at staff morale. Just saying.
[SFX]: whmmm...


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Published: Tuesday, 21 January, 2025; 01:11:19 PST.
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