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Episode 2038: Epochalypse Now

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You want your Doomsday Megaweapon to have a cool name. Original Star Wars had the Death Star, which is actually pretty cool if you can ignore the fact that we're all so used to it now.

If you want to go meta, you can just call it the Doomsday Megaweapon. Though we wouldn't recommend that unless you're running a comedy game, such as Austin Powers. But if you are, then definitely use that.

Commentary by memnarch (who has not seen the movie)

Ooooookay, maybe no hyperspace wormhole stuff is needed. That's a ridiculously huge blast. Frankly, it's rather preposterous that it's not destroying the rest of the atmosphere on its way out into space; look at those clouds! Definitely explains the snowy looking planet; the weather patterns must be absolutely trashed from even test firing this thing. It's like the movie designers saw the Sunbeam question and thought "that's a great idea for a superweapon!" And since this is Star Wars, there's no need to Dyson Sphere an actual star to make it happen. (yes, I know that the question was published after the movie was out)

I know there's no such thing as overkill, but this is really pushing that phrase to the limit. Unless there's an obvious weak point to the Cataclysm Beam, I can't think how this is going to be spun out into a win for team good guys. Maybe this is only capable of targeting known systems? If so, that would make the map BB-8 has incredibly valuable. I'd thought the map could have been the only thing left that wasn't hit by Nute/First Order hackers, but what if this is actually something newly charted? If those places aren't generally known yet, then they might be safe from targeting by this weapon.

...

I still think Cataclysm Cannon would be a better name.

Commentary by Keybounce (who has not seen the movie)

[Keybounce's comments will appear here when received.]

Transcript

General Hux: Galen Erso never realised his weapon’s full potential.
General Hux: Using the Orb we have boosted its power to untold levels.
General Hux: A “C-beam”, he called it. A dull name by a dull man. Behold: the Cataclysm Beam!
General Hux: Fire!!
[SFX]: fwwhhhhmmm...
[SFX]: KZZZZHHHHH!!!
General Phasma: For after the rain when with never a stain, The pavilion of heaven is bare,
General Phasma: And the winds and C-beams with their convex gleams, Build up the flame of despair.
GM: On his ship, Kylo Ren watches the Cataclysm Beam extend like a fiery lance ravaging across the void.
Kylo Ren: Now I know Hux is compensating for something.


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Published: Sunday, 22 August, 2021; 02:11:07 PDT.
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