Meeting in a bar is the classic way to begin an adventure. Just don't let it be the entire adventure.

In the real world of the Trenchcoats & Turncoats universe, of course, Casablanca doesn't exist. That's the premise of this entire comic, after all. But most of the other things we know and love (such as Nazi-foiling cynics) do, albeit modified by the lack of Casablanca:

• Meatballs is a serious documentary about kefta.
• Humphrey Bogart is known (barely) for doing voiceovers for poorly selling computer games, but gains widespread fame after his appearance in the first Futurama movie.
• Ingrid Bergman is known primarily for her role as "Girl Waiting in Line" in Landskamp.
• Nerdy guys make YouTube videos of themselves jumping off buildings instead of lurking moodily in bars.
• Without the success of Casablanca to spark interest in war time drama, Colditz was never revived with a movie and a new series, and remains an obscure short-running TV show.
• Peter Gunn was never made into a film. Detective drama fans never had it so good.
• The major film noir background that pervades all of Western culture is The Postman Always Rings Twice, despite it never being much good. The original film was remade recently into a new, updated television series with a bigger budget, high-tech computerised special effects, and edgy writing. And it sucked.
• Throughout the 1940s, all the greatest Hollywood blockbusters were big-budget silent slapsticks.
• The Comic Irregulars exist and are making a screencap comic based on The Muppet Movie.

Vision-Impaired Transcript

Rick: I'm never going to give you up.
Ilsa: Oh Rick. Some day you'll understand.
Ilsa: I must go with Wictor to deliver the Lost Orders to Vashington. It's the only way to honour Doctor Fanastacoria's noble sacrifice.
Rick: I'm no good at being noble.
Victor: Give us Orders now, da?
{Rick gives Victor the lost Orders}
Victor: Spasiba! Do svidanya!
Ilsa: Look Rick, it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of borscht in this crazy vorld.
Rick: Huh?
Ilsa: I have to go.
{Ilsa and Victor leave for the plane}
Captain Renault: You weren't fooled by that charade, were you?
Rick: What charade?
Captain Renault: "Victor" and "Ilsa"... American? Uh-huh.
Captain Renault: Obviously Russian spies. Aren't you supposed to be a detective?
Rick: Whoops.
Captain Renault: Oh who cares? Let's go get a drink.
GM: Noooo! I had this vast globe-spanning adventure planned, and you guys hardly even left the bar you met in!
Rick: Pete, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.