Ah, there is no greater joy than seeing players eagerly fawning over the piles of treasure they've just liberated from the orc's lair or the evil dragon, watching them fight over who gets to lay claim to the bejewelled, glowing sword that radiates a palpable aura of magic...

... and then when they try using it in combat revealing that it's cursed.

Good times. Good times.

In the real world of the Chocolates & Chumps universe, of course, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory doesn't exist. That's the premise of this entire comic, after all. But most of the other things we know and love (such as everlasting gobstoppers) do, albeit modified by the lack of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory:

• Chocoballs is a serious documentary about sweet snacks.
• Gene Wilder is known (barely) for doing voiceovers for poorly selling computer games, but gains widespread fame after his appearance in the first Futurama movie.
• Peter Ostrum is known primarily for his role in Veterinarians on Call.
• Nerdy guys make YouTube videos of themselves making extreme daisy chains instead of floating up to the ceiling on fizzy lifting drink.
• Without the success of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory to spark interest in macabre children's movies, The Addams Family was never revived with a movie and a new series, and remains an obscure short-running TV show.
• Beetlejuice was never made into a film. Danny Elfman fans never had it so good.
• The major candy-related fiction background that pervades all of Western culture is Chocolat, despite it never being much good. The original film was remade recently into a new, updated television series with a bigger budget, high-tech computerised special effects, and edgy writing. And it sucked.
• Throughout the 1970s, all the greatest children's blockbusters were adaptations of pirate comics.
• The Comic Irregulars exist and are making a screencap comic based on Forbidden Planet.

Transcript

Willy Wonka: Anyone know what this is?
Charlie Bucket: Treasure?
Willy Wonka: Nope. It's gum.
Violet Beauregarde: Gum? Cool!
Willy Wonka: Not just any old gum either. Special gum.
Augustus Gloop: {dead} We traded golden tickets for gum?
Charlie Bucket: Look who's talking, Mr "I stick my head in the chocolate riverwithout testing it first".
Mike Teevee: When's your new character going to be ready anyway?
Augustus Gloop: {dead} Another week.
Violet Beauregarde: I take the magic gum!
Willy Wonka: Wait, no!
Violet Beauregarde: Oooh! It tastes like tomato soup!
Charlie Bucket: Hmmm. Giant Strength? Haste?
Violet Beauregarde: Now roast beef! With gravy!
Charlie Bucket: Definitely Giant Strength.
Violet Beauregarde: Now blueberry pie! Wait, what's happening?
Mike Teevee: Whoa. Do we have any poison antidotes?
Grandpa Joe: I told you, don't touch anything in this factory.
Grandpa Joe: Two down in two rooms. The Tomb of Horrors was a cakewalk compared to this.