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<     Episode 1258: Let Me Entertain You

Episode 1258: Let Me Entertain You


Permanent link to this strip: http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/1258.html

NEWS: We have been interviewed by David & Michael of the podcast Thank You Internet. You can listen to us wax lyrical on Darths & Droids, with behind-the-scenes info and lots of other geeky stuff.

One of the geeky things we mention is Goldfish Draft, a new Magic: The Gathering play format we invented which will appeal to the sort of extreme nerds who enjoy Star Wars screencap webcomics, Magic, and really, really big numbers. Check it out!

Always have a nice long story ready to tell if ever the situation arises. Much like Kerim Bey to the bound and gagged Russian agent Benz in From Russia With Love:

Kerim Bey: I've had a particularly fascinating life. Would you like to hear about it?
{Benz tries to grunt "no."}
Kerim Bey: {delighted} You would?
Or like Senhor Oliveira da Figueira in the Tintin story Land of Black Gold, who distracts the guards of the villain's residence with an endless soap-opera-like story while Tintin infiltrates the place:
Oliveira: My friends, let me introduce me nephew Alvaro [Tintin in disguise], just arrived from Portugal... He's an orphan, poor lad... I've taken him into my family... Just between ourselves he's a little... well... a bit simple.... Not surprising after what's happened to him... A dreadful story... Just imagine, his father, who was a well-known snail farmer... Excuse me, just a minute...
Oliveira: Be a good boy, Alvaro... While I'm busy with these gentlemen, you run and play in the garden... I'll call you...
Oliveira: ... So his father, who'd married the daughter of DaCosta the pirate from Lisbon, suddenly found himself in the middle of an extraordinary adventure. One day...
Oliveira: ... Alas! The poor woman never got over it. She died of grief and shame, at the age of ninety-seven. Her husband, broken-hearted, soon followed her to the grave. But that wasn't the end of the terrible tragedies this unhappy family had to suffer... One day, their son...
Oliveira: ... At that moment the count stepped forward. Aha! he cried in Portuguese (you mustn't forget Portuguese was his native tongue) and without a moment's hesitation he flung open the door... He stood frozen with horror! ...
In fact, that latter one is a good one to memorise. Bonus points if your GM is a Tintin fan. Though of course you should invent extra bits to fill in the gaps.


Jabba: Don't just stand around! Jape! Pretend to be a Wookiee!
Chewbacca: I am a Wookiee!
Jabba: And a very unconvincing one you make! Proceed with the slicing test!
Pagetti Rook: Avast, planet-lubber! Time to feed the sand fish.
Chewbacca: O great Jabba, first allow me to enthrall with a tale of great pathos and personal tragedy.
Jabba: Hark!
Chewbacca: One time when I was a cub, I saw the most beautiful slug. It was helpless on its back on the kitchen table.
Chewbacca: My cousin Jowdrrl was about to pour engine oil on it to save us the horror of another batch of her mother's slug cupcakes.
Chewbacca: I picked up the slug and ran out to my hiding cave. But my aunt found me and slaughtered the slug. I still hear its pitiful screams...
Chewbacca: Many years later, my son Lumpy refused to eat his cupcakes too, and I felt a strange bonding.
Jabba: I've heard this before! It's the classic Rancor tale, Reticent Blades of the Humanoids.
Han: Time for my psychotic episode.
Han: Blargle blargle grargle!
Jabba: Now that's entertainment!

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Last updated: Tuesday, 6 October, 2015; 03:11:12 PDT
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